Shannon E Cook asked:




Most people do not enter their marriages looking to cheat on their spouses. However, whatever statistics you go by, there are a large number of people who do have an extramarital affair at some point in their marriage. Yet few of these scenarios have happy endings. Find out three main reasons why you will be better off saying goodbye to the lover.

1. Your lover is like a drug. It may seem impossible to imagine letting go of this person. But the truth is, the affair is as much an addiction as a drug could be. The “high” of the way you feel around this person is driving you to hurt your spouse, your children, and ultimately yourself. The other person is not the answer. He or she is giving you positive chemical reactions, but if you were to live your life with him or her, with bills, kids, and a mortgage, chances are the thrill would wear off quickly.

2. You are not in a healthy position to be choosing a new partner. If you are already committed to another person in marriage, you are having at least some of your needs met by your marriage partner. The affair partner is certainly meeting some of your needs, but would you really choose this person if you were single and not desperate to fill some need that is not being fulfilled by your spouse? If your spouse were really out of the picture, would this affair partner really be able to meet 100% of your requirements for a satisfying relationship?

3. Affairs do not work out long term. The statistics are something like 5% of affairs that result in marriage. And the divorce rates amongst married couples who began their involvement while one or both partners were married have a higher divorce rate. The pressure on the relationship, the unsuitable choice of partner, and the shame and societal pressure brought to bear on an affair combine to drive lovers apart over time. In addition, there is an inherent mistrust involved when two people forge a bond in deceit.

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Crystal Lynn James asked:




Who wouldn’t like to catch a cheater cold in their deceptive ways? In a perfect world, honesty is the best policy, but we all know that many people will tell lies in order to get his/her way. This principle can apply to any personal or business relationship where trust is most important. If you want to know how to catch a cheating spouse, expose what your girlfriend is hiding from you, or are just curious about the signs of cheater, then you need to know the tell-tale signs of lying. If you’re struggling with how to catch a lie, these three ways will help.

1. Ask unexpected questions-One sneaky tactic you can use to catch a cheater is to ask direct questions when he/she is not expecting it. Consider a cheating spouse who is suddenly and unexpectedly confronted with some tough questions from you. He/she will likely be tripped up as they stammer and scramble for words in effort to make excuses to reinforce their version of the story. Later, you can confront him/her again and see if there are contradictions of the details.

2. Watch their body language- Learning how to catch a lie will require careful observation of body language. When you confront your partner about his/her actions, look for signs of anxiety such as fidgeting with the hands, faking an expression, changes in voice tone, touching the face and head, and lack of direct eye contact. A cheating spouse who is lying will also appear to be stammering and searching for words in effort to make their story believable.

3. Look for contradictions- In order to catch a cheater in the act of lying; you must be a good listener. A liar will often omit or forget some key information which can expose contradictions as they tell their tales of deceit. For example, if a boyfriend cancels a date with you on Friday night because he claimed to be sick but later is caught saying what a great time he had out with his friends at the club that same night, you’ve been lied to.

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Gillian Reynolds asked:




Infidelity is a huge problem. Many relationships are touched by adultery when one partner decides to take on a lover. Instead of ending their initial relationship they simply supplement it with another. For the oblivious partner they run the risk of not only being humiliated when they finally do learn of the affair but there are health risks involved when your partner is being intimate with another. It’s important to know whether your partner is indeed being unfaithful but if you’ve never faced the issue before you may be unsure of how to catch someone cheating on you. You can always take the tried and true route of hiring a private investigator or you can do a little investigation work of your own.

One of the easiest ways to catch someone cheating on you is to follow them. This isn’t as simple as hopping in your car and giving chase though. You need to be discreet and ensure that your partner doesn’t catch a glimpse of your car in their rearview mirror. An easy way to avoid this is to borrow the car of a friend or co-worker, preferably a vehicle that your significant other is not familiar with. This will take away all suspicion that it’s you behind them and will enable you to see exactly where your partner is going and who they are meeting with.

If you have access to their cell phone bills this can also hold a great deal of information in terms of whether they are having an affair. People who cheat tend to call their lovers on their cell phones as opposed to their home phone. If you do have access to their monthly invoice take note of any unfamiliar numbers or numbers that they call frequently. Jot down this information. There are many ways to trace numbers back to their owners. Taking this step will give you a great deal of insight into who your partner is talking with.

Another approach to take if you want to catch someone cheating on you is to pretend that you will be away for a few days. It’s shocking just how many people are comfortable throwing caution to the wind and inviting their lover to their home when their partner is away. If you do decide to use this technique to catch someone cheating be prepared to sit outside your own home and wait. You’ll need to be patient but that patience just may pay off if you see your partner’s lover going into your home. Then it’s just a matter of surprising them both and confronting them.

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Ruth Houston asked:




When it comes to infidelity and extramarital affairs, ignorance is not bliss. If you suspect your spouse of cheating on you, it’s to your advantage to search for signs of infidelity so you can confirm or disprove what you suspect.

Here are 13 compelling reasons why:

1. To put your mind at ease. Suspecting your spouse of infidelity can cause you endless days of worry and many sleepless nights. If it turns out that your spouse isn’t cheating, it will be a big relief to know your suspicions were untrue. The sooner you confront your suspicions, the sooner you can stop worrying and get on with your life.

2. To keep unfounded suspicions from poisoning your marriage and your mind. No matter how carefully you try to conceal what you suspect, if you think your spouse is cheating, these troubling thoughts will poison your mind and cause you to view them in a different light. This will eventually affect other aspects of your marriage like your sex life, the way you interact with your spouse, and your level of trust –just to name a few. Finding out your suspicions are unfounded can restore balance and breathe new life into your marriage.

3. To find out exactly what you’re dealing with. If your spouse has been acting strangely, they could be cheating on you. But what if there’s another reason for their strange behavior that has nothing to do with infidelity? There may be some other problem that’s threatening the stability of your marriage. A discreet search for telltale signs will help you pinpoint what’s really going on.

4. To short-circuit an affair in the making. Affairs usually happen in stages. People don’t usually turn into cheating spouses overnight. Your spouse may not have actually cheated yet, but may be seriously entertaining “pre-infidelity thoughts”. Detecting the early warning signs of infidelity gives you an opportunity to stop the affair before it starts.

5. To determine whether or not your marriage is in jeopardy. All affairs are not the same. Some pose a more serious threat than others. Things may not be as bad as you think – or they could be a whole lot worse. The kinds of telltale signs you find can give you some insight as to whether your spouse is merely having a fling, or whether there’s something much more serious going on.

6. To prepare yourself emotionally for the possibility that your spouse may leave. If your spouse’s extramarital affair reaches the point that he or she decides to leave you for the other Woman or the Other man, wouldn’t you rather know in advance, rather than being taken by surprise? As devastating as it may be, knowing that this is a possibility gives you time to mentally and emotionally adjust to the idea.

7. To gain control of the situation. You can feel like a helpless victim if you’re not really sure what’s going on. You can easily get swept along with the tide. Knowledge is power. Once you confirm that an affair is going on, the ball is in your court. Taking matters into your own hands will not only be therapeutic, it will help you get to the bottom of things. You can take control by making an informed decision about how to handle the situation.

8. To protect yourself sexually. If your spouse is having unprotected sex with someone else you are at risk for contracting HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. Your health, even your life, may be at stake. If you find signs of an extramarital affair, protect yourself by practicing safe sex.

9. To take steps to protect yourself (and your children) financially. You may need to put certain financial safeguards in place if your spouse is having an extramarital affair that eventually leads to divorce. An unexpected divorce or separation can put an unsuspecting spouse in a serious financial bind and cause a tremendous financial upheaval in your life. If your search for telltale signs indicates that a divorce is on the horizon, you can prepare yourself financially for this possibility.

10. To seek legal counsel and find out your rights. If you find telltale signs that your spouse is cheating, it’s to your advantage to consult with an attorney who specializes in matrimonial law to find out your legal rights — just in case the affair leads to a divorce. You need to find out in advance what your legal rights or obligations are with regard to alimony, child support, division of marital assets, and more.

11. To gather evidence of infidelity so you can confront your spouse about the affair. Experts all agree that if you have proof that your spouse is cheating, you should confront them and inform them you know about the affair. This in itself may bring things to a halt. In many cases, once the affair has been discovered, it loses much of its appeal. Exposing the affair may be all you need to get your marriage back on track.

12. To give you an opportunity to save your marriage. Finding signs of infidelity can be a wake-up call. You can’t solve a problem unless you know the problem exists. If you know your spouse is involved with someone else, you can try to determine what may have triggered the affair. Pinpointing the root cause, or the contributing factors, will give you a fighting chance to seek professional help to see if you can save your marriage from divorce.

13. To focus your energy in the right direction. You can waste endless time and energy speculating on whether or not your spouse is having an affair. You’ll be in a constant state of emotional limbo until you find out for sure. Don’t speculate. Investigate. Look for telltale signs. Once you have a clear picture of the situation, you can figure out what your next move should be.

Safeguard Your Relationship by Searching for Telltale Signs

As devastating as it may be to find out the truth if your spouse is cheating on you, not knowing can be a whole lot worse. It’s to your advantage to search for signs of infidelity, if you think your spouse might be having an affair. In this day and age, there are many practical reasons why you can’t afford to be the last to know. By the time you find out, it may be too late.

Your search for signs of infidelity does not have to be expensive or time-consuming. You don’t have to hire a private investigator, buy fancy gadgets or expensive surveillance equipment to find out the truth.

If you know what to look for, spotting the signs of infidelity will take very little effort on your part. Knowing what to look for is the key. All you need are your own eyes and ears, and your personal knowledge of your mate. A good infidelity reference book can also be a tremendous help. Of all the infidelity books on the market, Is He Cheating on You – 829 Telltale Signs is the only book that lists practically every known sign of infidelity, including the subtle signs people usually overlook. For more information, visit www.InfidelityAdvice.com Despite the title, most of the signs in this book apply to cheating women, as well as cheating men.

To get a better idea of what to look for, you can get a free copy of a special report which describes the 21 major categories of infidelity signs and the kind of telltale signs each category contains.

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Kenneth Stevens asked:




There comes a time in many marriages when one or both people have just had enough. You may be feeling neglected. You may be bored. You may feel frustrated. Your self esteem may have been chipped away at for the last however many years. Whatever the reason, you are ready to venture outside the marriage for some relief.

Having an affair can be one of the most exciting things you will ever do, and it can also be one of the most devastating. If you aren’t careful and don’t adhere to some basic rules, you could be setting yourself up for a grand fall. If you honestly feel you are ready for an affair, here are some important things to consider:

Silence Is Golden – Since you have chosen to have an affair and not end the marriage altogether, it stands to reason you don’t want your spouse to find out about it. To make sure they are kept in the dark it is very important that you tell as few people as possible about what you are doing. Ideally, you will tell no one, but often times that isn’t logical. Everyone seems to have at least one confidante. Just make sure you keep it to only one, and that they are someone you trust wholeheartedly. Just keep in mind everything you stand to lose if you are found out when you have the urge to share your experiences.

Keep A Level Head – One tendency we seem to have when we are in the throes of an affair is to completely lose perspective on reality. We get caught up in this new, wonderful person and we tend to forget our current reality. Whatever you have to do to keep perspective must be done. If that means you spend extra time with your kids each day or create a little mantra to recite each morning, do it. When you get caught up in emotions you will get sloppy and careless and eventually discovered. This means things like text messages, emails, voicemails, credit card receipts….you get the picture. Keep you head about you so it doesn’t have to end before you are ready.

It’s All In the Partner – Now, if you have adhered to both of the first rules and kept your mouth shut and maintained your perspective on reality, but chosen someone unstable to have an affair with, it’s all going to fall apart anyway. In fact, choosing the right person to have the affair with is probably the most important element of having an affair.

If all you want is a physical affair, and they end up falling in love with you and decide if they can’t have you then they’ll destroy your marriage…..you can see the problem. It is absolutely imperative that if you are going to have an affair, you have one with someone who has just as much to lose as you do. It may take a little away from your poolboy or college co-ed fantasy, but I guarantee it will be safer for you in the end.

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