Dr. Robert Huizenga asked:




A common plea: But, we’re “just friends.” However the “emotional connection” is quite obvious by the amount of time spent in communication and the “vibes” that are set off.

These emotional connections often arise at work or in a social context in which working intensively toward a common goal consumes energy.

Here are a few observations of the “just friends” emotional affair:

1. This person often struggles knowing where to draw the line. S/he often throws him/herself into something 100%. Other aspects of his/her life may suffer or be ignored. There often is a lack of personal balance between family, work, self care.

2. He/she struggles with intimacy. (I want to be close to someone, but don’t like intimacy.) The “just friends” emotional affair means neither spouse nor OP (other person) ever get “intimate.” Neither relationship is fully consummated or has potential for growth.

3. Of course the “just friends” comment means either “stay away” or I’m, underneath all this, really confused about where I fit in relationships, what I want from them, or what they mean to me. There is an “emotional connection” to the OP that defies description. A sad kind of “stuckness or lostness.”

The lover or “falling in love” emotional affair has a different twist.

The common complaint to the partner is: “I feel badly about this, and I don’t want to hurt you, but, I’m not “in love” with you anymore. “I love you but I’m not in love.” This often indicates:

1. This person usually has a need for drama and excitement. Life easily becomes a soap opera. Emotional juice from the fall-out of emotionally intense relationships reigns rather than living life from the core of who one is.

2. The person “looking for love” is actually looking for the ideal, someone out there, who will project back to him/her that he/she is OK. No, more than OK, close to perfect.

3. This person needs to be adored, or think another adores him/her, because there is a lack of inner strength and solid identity. The other becomes my world, because I lack a world. Being “in love” is the panacea for my emptiness.

4. This type of affair often occurs when there is a “lull” in the marriage relationship. The responsibility of raising children, starting and maintaining a career, paying bills, etc. become the focal point for the couple. Romance becomes a foreign word.

There are many many subtle differences in affairs. Emotional affairs are only one kind. Once you begin to see and understand the differences, a new sense of empowerment overtakes you embark on a more confident path of resolution.

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Ruth Houston asked:




This Thanksgiving, any wife whose husband isn’t cheating on her has a lot to be thankful for. Faithful husbands are in short supply. Most wives assume their husbands are faithful. But only 1 wife in 4 can truthfully make that claim.

Infidelity has reached epidemic proportions and now affects 80% of all marriages today. According to statistics, 3 out of 4 husbands are cheating on their wives. So be thankful if your husband is not the cheating kind.

An estimated 38 to 53 million women are victims of infidelity. In one study, over 65% of the cheating husbands admitted to having had more than one extramarital affair. Studies also indicate that 2/3 of the wives whose husbands are cheating on them (approximately 26 million women) have no idea their husbands are having an affair. The wife truly is the last to know.

In the face of statistics like these, you can see why a faithful husband is indeed something to be thankful for.

4 Reasons to Be Thankful

Though many husbands are having extramarital escapades, there’s still a small minority of men who are not the cheating kind. Despite the prevalence of infidelity, these faithful husbands remain true to their marriage vows. If you’re fortunate enough to be married to one, this Thanksgiving you have at least four things you can be thankful for:

● Be thankful your marriage and family are still intact.

● Be thankful the time and energy you’ve invested in your marriage have not been in vain.

● Be thankful you don’t have to deal with the mental and emotional trauma that infidelity brings.

● Be thankful you don’t have to agonize over the decision of whether to end your marriage or struggle to get it back on track.

And if you’re not sure whether or not your husband is the cheating kind? Then be thankful you read this article. There’s a quick 7-question quiz that can tell you if he’s prone to infidelity. It looks at factors from a man’s background, past history, and certain character traits that can indicate he’s the cheating kind. You can get a free copy of this quiz by sending an e-mail to InfidelityAdvice@gmail.com with “Potential Cheater’s Quiz” in the subject line. You’ll be thankful you did.

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Cheryl Brown asked:




Being deceptive does not have to be done verbally. You can detect deception in nonverbal communication. It may be a bit more subtle then someone who is being deceitful verbally, but it is still recognizable. Listed below are main ways you can detect deception via nonverbal communication.

Avoidance

This is the most obvious way to tell if a person is being deceptive toward you about something. They simply will avoid direct contact with you. If this is a spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend, they will begin to be working later. You will find that all of a sudden their social calendar is booked and private times are fewer and harder to come by. When they are pressed for direct contact, they will often act out in anger and run away.

Avoidance is the easiest way for someone being deceptive to not have to deal with what they have done on a direct level. Even though they know what they have done avoidance is the easiest way to postpone having to deal with the issue(s) at hand.

Lack of Physical Affection

This is a fairly common issue when someone in a committed relationship is having an affair. The guilt that the unfaithful person has results in his/her rejection of the other person physically. This result can be a lack of hugging, intimate physical relations, lack of hand holding or a insistence in personal body space.

If you are used to greeting friends and family members with hugs and or kisses, and, all of a sudden, this ceases to continue. This suggests a very obvious nonverbal communication. A change in this behavior suggests anger or a sudden indifference.

When troubled with deception, our general inclination is to push people away physically. This is especially true when it is the person we are being deceitful toward.

Being Suddenly Secretive

A very noticeable detection of non-verbal deception is sudden secrecy. You notice someone near to you suddenly hiding things from you. This could be bills that they don’t want you to see the charges on. It might be their internet usage. It might be emails they are hiding. There could be text messages that they don’t want you to see. You might notice new password protection on the computer or cell phone. It could also be that items that used to be kept or stored in a particular location have been moved.

Detecting this form of nonverbal deception may take time to notice due to it’s nature of not necessarily being initially obvious. However, should you find one sign of this type of deception, it is possible that there will be other clues to follow as well.

Detecting deceptive nonverbal communication is sometimes easier than others. One thing to keep in mind is that as a human race, we have the need to express ourselves. If we are not doing this verbally, chances are we will do so nonverbally. Deception is usually based upon guilt , lies and half-truths. Holding this in is not easy and quite troubling. Deception expressed nonverbally happens because it is unhealthy not to deal with issues.

detect an affair

Amy Steel asked:




You never thought it would come to this did you:

Rooting around the internet trying to find advice on how to catch your husband cheating. Spending virtually every waking thought (and plenty of sleeping time) wondering what he’s been doing. Feeling like you’ll go mad if you don’t find out the truth, but you’ll rip apart if you do.

By the time you get to the point of taking active steps to find out how to catch your husband cheating, you’re doing it on autopilot because you can’t do anything else.

How To Catch Your Husband Cheating – The Right Way

As with anything else, there’s a right and a wrong way to learn about how to catch your husband cheating and to actually do it.

The wrong way is to to start checking a list of so-called signs of infidelity and use that and only that as the basis on which to start digging deeper. Remember, you’re living in a state of stress, and will be inclined to make more out of situations than may actually be there. For example, while changes in behavior such as decreased sexual interest, him being distracted or using the computer alone and secretly definitely herald the existence of problems, they do not necessarily mean he is having an affair.

Another wrong way is to simply go out and hire a private investigator to get on with the job. Don’t get me wrong – many P.I’s are extremely good at their job, but their responsibility is simply to go out and bring back evidence – they won’t spend time before and after the investigation going through the consequences of actually finding that evidence – you’ll be left to deal with that yourself, and believe me, it can be devastating, especially if you’re unprepared.

The right way to go about catching your husband cheating is to sit down and think about strategies AND outcomes. This will include:

Am I ready for the truth? – Am I simply knee-jerking; what will damage me most – the truth or uncertainty? What support will I need? – Will I tell anyone about my plans, will I tell anyone if I find something? How will I get the evidence I’m looking for – will I use a private investigator, do it myself? If I spy on my husband, how does that sit with my ethics? What am I going to do with any evidence I gather? – can I confront him, will I just keep it to myself, what are the consequences of both these alternatives? How long will I look? – If I don’t find anything initially, how long will I go on for, and will I be re-assured if nothing comes up, or will it continue to eat away at me? What will this insecurity do to our marriage? If I find out the worst, is that it, or do I want to try to save the marriage? – am I going to “forgive” the affair, issue ultimatums, demand counseling?

The decisions you’re about to make are likely to be momentous for you and your family, so you want to be sure that you’re acting as rationally as possible before setting out to find out things that can’t be undone once discovered.

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Peter Emerson asked:




Couples can survive infidelity if they are willing to restore the foundation of their marriage – trust.

The first step in learning to trust again is to acknowledge that the infidelity may be the fault not of one, but of both. Couples should realize how far away they might have strayed from the value they placed in each other at the beginning of their marriage. A couple may have gotten lost in the frenzy of marriage life (such as children), compelling one of them to stray.

Surviving infidelity takes time. While it may be impossible to readily go back to the lovey-dovey stage of marriage, the couple can slowly build trust by communicating again.

Forgiveness is obviously necessary if recovery from infidelity is to be permanent. Forgiveness is a repeated process that is more mental than verbal. It is a commitment, not just an emotion – it holds forever, and is not a ‘one-time’ event.

Sadly, there are circumstances when forgiveness may be desirable and reconciliation is not possible (nor healthy). One such situation is when the infidelity of a spouse is habitual. Recurring infidelity may be a result of deviant character development, such as when a person thrives on dishonest behavior and takes advantage of others. Some people may derive a perverse sense of satisfaction from having a secret relationship, accumulating sexual experiences and cheating his or her spouse.

Recurring infidelity can also be a result of sexual addiction characterized by a condition in which sexual gratification is sought compulsively in a frequency and manner not available in the context of marriage. Unlike the person exhibiting a deviant character, the sexual addict may feel remorseful at some point, yet feel helpless to stop the behavior. In such cases, reconciliation may not be the best cure. The husband and wife are usually better off in their own separate ways, and their healing will have to take place separately.

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Katie Lersch asked:




I’m often contacted by women who are torn as to whether to give their husband’s who have cheated