Tim Shank asked:




What can be done about a cheating husband, and what can be done to help ease the pain? There really isn’t much that you can do to help with the pain, except to give it the time that it needs to heal, and to seek out someone that you can talk to. Surviving a cheating husband is a difficult thing, and none of us went into our marriage thinking that someday it would end in this. Most of us entered into the relationship thinking that it would be the last relationship that we were ever in, but, as in the case of many marriages, infidelity entered into the picture and now you are dealing with picking up the pieces. So how can you know for sure that your husband is cheating?

Unless you have actually caught your husband cheating, or if they have admitted to it, there are some ways that you can confirm your suspicions of infidelity in your relationship. It’s actually amazing that many of the people who are guilty of cheating in a relationship are actually easy to catch. This is because the signs of a cheating husband are often the same from relationship to relationship. There is typically an increase in attention shown to you, usually though presents or flowers, many times in the bedroom, but as time passes the cheater tends to pull away as their loyalty shifts from you to the other woman. They also tend to do things like changing the way they look, act or dress. This can show itself in a sudden interest in their physical appearance, going to the gym or dieting for no real reason.

Yes, surviving a cheating husband is a difficult thing, but not knowing for sure if they are cheating is even more difficult. So before you leap, make sure you look, and have your evidence ready so that you can make a case for yourself.

Kansieo.com

Sally Webb asked:




You have seen some signs to let you believe your partner is having an extramarital affair, but you don’t know any other information or clue other than your own belief.

How do you find out exactly what he is doing behind your back…and with who is he doing it?

Before you go any further though, realise that who he is cheating with might not be as important as looking for a solution in the first place. That other woman may just take a role of ‘the other woman’ or the role of ‘his escape’ from the marriage problem HE may be having.

However, I must admit it is not up to anyone else to decide what you really need to know of this extramarital affair. So if this is for your peace of mind, go on and find out.

1. Who is she?

Ok, this is something that can lead to other clues – hence I put this first. After all, once you have a clearer suspicion on who he is having the extramarital affair with, you have a better guess at the other points that follow e.g. where and when he is meeting her.

So how do you find out who she is?

First step is to list down the names of people (ladies) he has mentioned recently. The good news is that there won’t be a lot, and he must have mentioned the name once or twice before. This is due to the fact normally a cheating spouse did not plan his affair – hence he did not try to cover anything up right from the very beginning.

Normally the person he has an affair with has something in common with him – at least enough to entice his ‘excitement’ brain. This will make him blurt out her name subconsciously anyhow.

Tips: If you happened to have freaked out in the process and he is clear that you are having this suspicion, try to recall the name of person/woman who he talked about just before you have this suspicion.

2. What are they doing?

Beside the actual extramarital affair intimacy, there must be something else that both he and this other woman have in common. Normally this is something that YOU don’t have in common with your spouse – and it becomes the affair’s connection.

This can be activity such as motorbike riding, sport, music, books, chess or even dancing (If they work together than their work activity can be used as the connector/the thing in common).

3. Where is it?

If you have a rough idea on what he normally enjoys doing you will be able to guess it. There is a few rules associated with this including the 50 mile rule: make sure you do it 50 mile away, and the ‘dangerous is safe’ rule: the more dangerous it seems the safer it would be (This means he will actually meet his other woman in YOUR area – or if you live with him he’ll meet his other woman in your place).

Another place is the workplace (Somewhere around his workplace).

4. When is it?

This relates to number 3. I am sure you wonder how he can ever meet his other woman in YOUR place… huh?

Ok, if you live with him he sure knows your schedule – or he may have been more interested in your activity and schedule lately. As he is very close with you, he knows exactly which ones of your schedule would likely go through versus the ones that you may cancel in the last minute.

For example, if you take a sick leave on Monday – and you have been whining that you don’t have enough sick leave left, he knows you will be away on Tuesday or Wednesday. Another example: If he knows you are attending your best friend’s birthday party he knows you cannot get out of it.

Create a video blog…instantly.

Lawrence Losoncy asked:




Affairs between coworkers are not something new. For the most part the common reaction among the onlookers is one of surprise. Sometimes it is also one of criticism or condemnation. Occasionally it also provokes jealousy, as was the recent unprecedented case among the astronauts. Looked at from a broader perspective, affairs at work bear much in common with affairs at church. But it should come as no surprise that married people fall in love with coworkers at work and at church.

Consider: it is an accepted truism among behavioral researchers that as people we are capable of falling love any number of times during our lifetime, whether married or not. When we get close to a person who displays admirable traits and who is attractive we react accordingly. That is the way humans are wired.

Consider: the workplace is where people generally speaking are at their best. We dress well for work. We behave well at work. We bring energy to work. We are diplomatic, charming, sensitive and responsive at work. We go along to get along. We accept challenges and do great things at work.

It is only after work, when we go home, that we dress down, run out of energy and often become rather blunt and irritable. As a whole, our nation continues to become increasingly productive. This means longer hours, more intense sophisticated work skills, more intelligent and creative behavior. What we see in others at work sharply contrasts with what we see at home in those we live with. Likewise, we look much better to the people we work with than to the people we live with!

Simply put: the best that most of us have to offer happens at work. Focus, energy, brainpower, discipline, personality: these shine through in the workplace. At home most of us slop around in old clothes, take naps, make idiotic remarks and recover for the next round of work challenges. A perfect symbolism for this is the commercial with the man attempting to barbecue in the back yard. He sets the meat on fire, trips over the garden hose he drags out to douse the fire and ends up knocking the flaming mess over while the dog barks and he lies sprawled on the lawn. His wife closes the blinds because she doesn’t want to watch.

When two coworkers notice they are “right” for each other and the chemistry clicks in, the time of decision arrives. They are mutually attracted. They can fan the flames or pull back. When either or both are married the decision has already become stressful: jeopardize a marriage or lose a new potential lover. Deciding to maintain both relationships, a third choice, leads to secrecy and deception that magnifies the stress. Moral consideration and guilt also come into play.

Divorce bring grief and stress all its own. Breaking off an affair brings grief and stress. And then there are the variations with which we are all familiar. There can be love affairs between bosses and workers. There can be trophy wives. There can be transitional affairs or marriages. There can be same sex love affairs. And so on and so forth! Television entertainment keeps us informed about all the possible variations. All of these possibilities create management challenges. No matter what the policy (which needs to be very carefully considered and periodically reviewed) these situations present nightmares for management and each in their own way play havoc with the people involved, those looking on and the well being of the company or organization.

The grief that comes of these situations is an example of stress that cannot be left at home because it is in fact generated in the workplace. The workplace is not usually geared to acknowledge or deal with stress, certainly not with this type of stress. When one or both involved parties are executives the stress can be even more intense and present even more serious implications for the company. Many a family-owned company has gone down in flames because of the issues these situations set in motion.

There is no stock answer, no pat solultion, no magical policy to cover all the possibilities. The starting point, however, is to review existing policy and make sure to proceed within that policy. It is also wise to consider turning to an outside competent and discreet professional for consultation and guidance before leaping into action.

Folklore tells individuals considering marriage that to marry in haste means they will repent at leisure. The variation of this advice to company executives considering how to respond to workplace affairs would be “Look before you leap.”

Kansieo.com

Katie Lersch asked:




I have a blog that recounts how I was able to get over my husband’s affair to save my marriage.