Rahul Talwar asked:




Marriage might fail for many reasons. Incompatibility is just one among them. Incompatibility can manifest itself in many ways. Slowly the spouse gets distant. The process starts with lies and avoidance. Spending lesser and lesser hours together is another proof of failing relations. If you want to know whether the spouse is lying to you, here are few effective tips.

A partner who is lying is less likely to see you in the eyes. This way, the spouse averts a direct gaze. It is being psychologically proved that people who do not have the force of truth in them do not have the power to look straight into the eyes. Something along the lines happen with a lying partner.

Voice also begins to fluctuate. It is common for a lying spouse to use a lot of fillers. They also give an impression of sudden change of voice. Hoarseness comes into the voice. All the previously non-existent signs begin to flare up. Psychologists would suggest, it is the symptom of an imbalanced talk which is associated with lying and concealing.

You can also check for blushes which creep slowly into the face. One becomes impatient with his gait. If a spouse talking to you suddenly changes stance or the gait gets stiffer or a spouse becomes fidgety, it might be the sign of impending troubles in marriage.

On a more psychological plane, covering the mouth while speaking is another trait that a liar manifests; this is an involuntary stance aimed at hiding what the mouth might vomit otherwise.

If a spouse scratches a zone of the neck, then he might be telling a lie. It is again conclusively proved that while lying, the brain sends a sensation of neuromuscular twitching to the collar of the neck.

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Sarah Nichols asked:




When you confront your man of cheating in case of a doubt or in case of surety, he will definitely deny it for any of the two reasons: One, he is not having any affair at all, he might be wrongly charged as guilty; second, he might be ashamed of his act of cheating. In the event of the second case, you might wonder as to why your man is denying the affair he is having. Let’s try to get into the reasons of this lying as these are the most frequently asked questions on my website.

Reasons for Lying about Cheating

There are many reasons of cheating and some of them are listed hereunder:

Self-Repudiation: Some men are not just willing to accept of their unfaithful act. They never accept that they are not being true to their partners. This is the result of the fact that there are limits in each relationship, which need not be crossed; and men do understand that completely. Pleasures of both worlds: By not accepting that they are cheating on you, men want to enjoy the pleasures of both the worlds: at home and outside. At home they enjoy a comfortable, convenient, and stable relationship with their wives and outside an all the more thrilling relationship with another woman. Repentance: Sometimes out of regret, and shame men lie to you about their cheating. In this case it truly means that they are sorry. This usually happens when your man realizes that the grass is not always greener on the other side. They do not want to lose their partners and truly believe that it will not be repeated in future. Children: For most of their kids, parents are the role models. And men do not want to lose out on that. They never want their children to know about their extra-marital affair. They always want to be in good books of their children.


Places where all that Dirty Affairs Begin

Now that you know about the reasons why men lie about the cheating, you may want to know as to how and where exactly do men start that entire not so legitimate dirty affair. Let’s try to figure out how this happens and where exactly this happens.

Under Social Influence: Parties and social gatherings provide ample opportunities for men to cross their limits. These occasions are generally very relaxed and casual and offer enough chances for such things. Coupled with the alcohol and drugs men are more inclined to lose their honesty and tend to dwindle around. At the Office: As much of their time is spent in offices, it is more likely that men form some relationships which are not many times legitimate. These relationships start with friendships and end in dirty affairs. This is because most of men’s time is spent outside the house and in the office. On The Internet: Today the Internet providesall the more chances of treachery and cheating. With popping up of new dating sites everyday, the Internet is all the more reason for this sedition. These sites provide an easier and legitimate way to enter into some illegitimate relationships.


Conclusion:

I hope I have been able to answer your queries about why men lie about an act of cheating through all of the possible reasons I have mentioned in this article. The men often lie about cheating because they themselves don’t want to agree to the fact that they are cheating, they want to enjoy both worlds – at home and outside, many a times because of repentance, and also because they don’t want to lose out on their children.

You also know by now that these relationships begin in many social gatherings such as parties, and in offices, as well as on the Internet. Many a times cross-questioning may prevent an act of cheating from your partner during early period. And sometimes gaining deep insights into your partner’s mind may help you avoid this act.

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Artiecat asked:


You have been cheating since day one, harmless no threat to your relationship. Then you find out that your partner had cheated.

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Sabrina White asked:




I like to send my beau sweet, loving and sexy emails. I really like to get them from him… especially the messages that tell me what he’s going to do to me the next time we’re alone together!

Believe it or not, we exchange emails all day long about our plans, our thoughts and our passion – without leaving a trace.

How?

We use the “Drafts” folder in a free web based mail program.

Here’s how it works:

We never *send* messages to each other. I login to the account, type my message and “save it to drafts”.

He logs in to the same account, clicks on the “drafts” folder and reads my message. Then, he types his own message and saves it to the drafts folder where I can find it when I login later.

This works so well because:

- We’re not actually sending the messages so they never end up in our personal or business email accounts.

- Since there is no email address to identify who the messages are to or from, it would be difficult to point them back to either of us.

- We’re using the “Drafts” folder instead of the inbox and outbox that the “catch a cheating spouse” guides say to look in

Some tips for those of you that are going to try this:

1 – Never type in his or your email address
2 – Remember to logout
3 – Say “no” when your browser asks if you’d like to save your login information
4 – Choose a very non-descript username like “accounting-backfill” or “companynews”. If it looks like a boring work-related account your spouse will be less likely to pry into it.

You can use just about any free web-based mail program like Yahoo, Gmail or Hotmail. Once you get started, beware – you’ll become addicted fast.

In fact, I’ve got to go check my account now to see if he’s left me another juicy message!

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Pushpa Pal Singh asked:




Have you been feeling lots of anxiety lately fearing the fact that you might be being cheated on? Do you have constant doubts regarding your partners actions and somewhere down the line you do believe that there is something wrong but you just aren’t really sure yet? You see if this is the case then your partner might be cheating on you and it’s very important to catch it early on before it’s just too late for you. Read on to discover some of the most effective ways to easily catch a cheating partner……

Their spending habits would change- If they are really seeing someone else behind your back they would start spending extra cash all over the place and would always run short of funds at the end of the month. They would not tell you where their paycheck is actually going and this is the reason why you must keep an eye on their credit card statements to really see where the money is going.

Are they getting defensive while answering your questions? – This is a very common sign of a cheater. A cheater would always get highly defensive and would often fear that the truth might be exposed due to which he/she always tries to hide it all with big lies. Therefore if it seems like your spouse gets defensive all the time then there is something going on for sure.

Are they emotionally absent? – Does it seem like your spouse has started minding his/her own business? Are they almost absent in the relationship? Is your spouse not showing any real signs of affection towards you and at the same time are they also not too interested in fighting with you? They just do whatever it takes to escape talks with you? You see if they have started doing this then they are definitely seeing someone else.

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Dr. Robert Huizenga asked:




The word “love” pours gasoline on the flames of an extramarital affair.

Have you noticed how frequently and almost reverently the word “love” is thrown around when a couple bumps into their extramarital affair?

The wayward spouse often states, “I fell out of love. I no longer feel for you what I think I should feel. You feel more like a good friend. I love you but am not ‘in love’ with you.”

The offended spouse often hangs on to the marriage with the proclamation that, even though his/her partner has forsaken him/her for someone else, s/he (the offended spouse) still very much “loves” his/her spouse and wants him/her back.

There is one kind of affair (I Fell out of Love…and just love being in love) where the perceived FEELING of being “in love” is paramount. This feeling means everything.

Typically the husband or wife describes “falling out of love” and is anxious about this development.

The “loving” or “romantic” feelings once passionately lived, for unknown reasons vanished or were transformed in the marriage.

S/he (please know that men also struggle with this issue!) wants to “recapture” those feelings. It is thought that those “in love/romantic feelings” comprise the essence of a marital or highly invested relationship and if absent indicate a dysfunctional marriage or a marriage doomed to the boredom heap for the rest of one’s life.

The infidelity often is initiated when someone comes along who triggers the latent personal need to feel that “in love” feeling.S/he is insistent and tenacious in attaining and maintaining this ideal (or intensely “loving” relationship.

Before we strategize on how to intervene in the emotional affair, I have three points about this “love” phenomenon I want you to consider:

1. Unfortunately, our culture (movies, songs, romance novels, soap operas, romance comedies) teaches that “being in love” is how it’s supposed to be.

“Falling in love” is the norm – the implication being, that if “love” doesn’t happen, or if “love” goes away, something is wrong – with you, your spouse or the marriage.

The odds are stacked against any couple attempting to navigate a marriage when bombarded by movies, TV, novels, advertising and grocery check out magazines that point to the power (gosh, don’t you envy some of those hip couples?) of finding and losing “love.”

To create a lasting, intimate and wonderfully joyful marriage in our Western Culture we first must unlearn a great deal.

2. S/he desperately searching for “that loving feeling” (remember the Righteous Brothers)…typically is conflicted with a significant dose of guilt.

Unlike some of the other 7 kinds of affairs I describe in “Break Free From the Affair,’ “I Fell out of Love…and just love being in love” is marked, for the most part, by the absence of anger.

He/she is often married to a “good” person and the desire to “find that loving feeling” seems selfish (which it is) and immature (which it is).

A little voice within (an s/he is typically aware of this quiet but persistent voice) whispers consistently that s/he is moving down a perilous path.

3. A person needing to feel that “loving feeling” usually has a need for drama and excitement.

The aura around relationships casts a shadow of being a soap opera. The intrigue of 2 meeting secretly to the exclusion of another is the norm.

that feeling of being in “love” is tied closely to the personal need for excitement and plotting. The secret and clandestine nature of extramarital affairs lends itself nicely to seemingly meet these two powerful needs of feeling ‘in love’ and living an exciting life.

The razzle dazzle and drama of pursuing the “feeling in love” relationship takes center stage rather than a life lived with a certain knowledge of who one is.

If emotional infidelity of this form confronts you, please know you are in for the ride of your life. The power of your negative thoughts and feelings will will demand that you respond with fortitude and courage.

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Shannon E Cook asked:




Affairs are highly destructive to any relationship that is built on honesty, trust, and fidelity. It is possible in many instances to repair and strengthen a marriage after an affair — if both partners are willing to work hard to save the relationship, and the work opens up communication and accountability between the partners. However, an affair or affairs may be only the tip of the iceberg when the offending partner has a personality disorder. 

Personality disorders are characterized by a different kind of mental hard wiring than the rest of us have. Some of these disorders – like sociopathy/psychopathy, and narcissism, can be extremely destructive to a relationship. While only a licensed mental health professional can diagnose a personality disorder, it is helpful to know some of the traits to look for. Here are 7 signs that the affairs may be a sign of a larger problem like a personality disorder:

1.  Lack of empathy. Your partner may not be able to put him or herself in another person’s shoes. Your partner may attempt to act empathetic, but when the surface layer is peeled away there is callousness beneath.

2.  Lack of guilt or remorse. Your partner may not be troubled by conscience the same way most of us are. In fact, if your partner is sociopathic/psychopathic, he or she may actually feel justified in committing hurtful actions because the victim was weak and “set him or herself up.” Again, there may be a show of remorse, but this is a ploy to keep you useful to the sociopath, rather than an expression of genuine emotion.

3.  Poor impulse control. Your partner may have difficulty with delayed gratification and may become bored easily. This can lead to a greater possibility of affairs as your partner seeks to fulfill impulses and engage in activities for excitement. Your partner may have anger outbursts and even become violent.

4.  Consistent irresponsibility. Your partner may have a problem holding down a job, paying bills or taking care of personal business, or honoring marital commitments.

5.  Grandiose sense of self worth. Your partner may think of him or herself in terms of superiority and exaggerate his or her accomplishments. This may lead to a sense of entitlement and the expectation of preferential treatment. He or she may adopt a haughty attitude toward others and expect to associate with special people and institutions.

6.  Manipulation and conning. Your partner may be willing to step on others to get ahead, use people freely to get needs met, and not be concerned about the effects on others.

7.  Compulsive lying. Your partner may lie about everything — including his or her affairs. In fact, if there is a personality disorder involved, you may never get the full truth about anything from your partner. One or two affairs may in reality be more.

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Jon asked:


For example, do you know how to retrieve info from their computer after they have already cleaned out their history? Any other ways? Please refrain from giving me obvious ones, like checking his phone or texts. Is there a trick into getting into someones voice mail? Or email? Or facebook? What info can you find out with their email address?

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Ryan Singler asked:




You could do with knowing about the telltale signs of a boyfriend who is not being faithful to you. You need to keep an eye open for changes in his behavior. You don’t have to be suspicious all the time; sometimes there are perfectly valid reason why this happens. This is especially true if you do not know each other for long, and you haven’t picked up all his traits yet.

Trust your intuition. It’s no use comparing things with your past. Each man is different, so is each affair. You understand your relationship best, so do what your instincts tell you. If you have doubts about his fidelity, some of our tips may come in useful.

Spends less time with you

If you two have been together for a while, you can note whether he is spending significantly less time with you. It is usual for most couples to spend almost every walking minute together when the relationship is new, and then there comes the tendency to revert to a more regular routine.

Perhaps it is better to ask yourself if he seems more detached than he is normally, even if you are still spending more or less the same time together.

If he says he is bogged down with work, or has to spend more time at the office, he may not be lying. If you want to run a check, try to figure out if he seems more tired than usual, for having worked more. Does he have more money too? If he does, you had better buy his story.

He could start spending more time with his buddies. Of course, this could be true too. There might be a new game that has just come out, or there could be a baseball match that he simply has to watch with his cronies. But if he can’t tell you exactly who he was with, or what they did together, we smell a rat.

Changes in behavior

Behavioral changes are important signs of your boyfriend’s infidelity.

If he starts fighting with you at the smallest pretexts, you might feel insecure. Fighting is not abnormal, and if you fight this does not mean you are headed for a break up. He might be stressed out; your temper may be running high. But if the reasons behind it are inconsequential, and if he leaves right after you had a yelling match, chances are he’s seeing someone else. He might just be leaving to be with his other partner.

Watch how he talks on the phone. If he has another girlfriend, you can suppose they communicate through the phone. If his line is busy more often than is normal for him, and if he refuses to answer calls when he is with you, it could mean your boyfriend is having another affair.

Most people take on some of the habits of people they are intimate with. His other girlfriend’s interests and tastes may influence your man. He might want to watch a movie that is totally opposed to his normal choices, or start watching soaps on TV. He may want to switch over to hip-hop from his staple hard rock. This is not a definite indicator that he is cheating, but when you notice this along with other changes we have talked about, you could poke around a bit and check on him.

It is strange, but an unfaithful lover may actually accuse his partner of cheating. He could do this to get rid of the guilt he feels, and tries to make you feel its weight.

You don’t have to panic if your boyfriend displays some of these traits. But it is unwise to be blissfully unaware of his goings- about. Talk to him frankly, ask him if he is feeling all right, and listen to what he has to say by way of explanation. If you harbor serious doubts about his faithfulness, confront him directly. If he did or is cheating on you, it is time to break up. You will be better off with any man than with someone who cheats on you and hurts you so cruelly.

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Scott Sickles asked:




The signs of a cheating boyfriend or husband will vary from guy to guy depending on their personality type and what they are feeling. Some signs may be obvious and other signs, well not so much.

The biggest overall sign that you can be on the lookout for is change from their normal behavior and routine. If you are used to them doing one thing and then suddenly it changes to something completely different, that may very well be a sign of a cheating boyfriend. Let me give you an example.

Let’s say for instance that your boyfriend has always been very attentive to you but lately that has completely changed. You don’t talk like before, you don’t spend time together like before and his phone conversations seem to be a lot shorter. He may also seem to have excuses as to why he is acting the way he is. Well those are behavioral changes that should be a signal to you that something is amiss.

Changes in his routine can also be a signal if there is no good explanation for it. Let’s say that he is a college student and you know he is in class all day long but he has always called you afterward and spent time with you. Now if he seems to always have something else to do and says he “forgot” to call you, well something sounds a little fishy.

Keep in mind though that there could be perfectly good explanations for his behavior changes. On the other hand if he seems to be distancing himself from you there may very well be a problem.

Remember the list of the signs of a cheating boyfriend is a long one and they will vary from person to person. Just don’t jump the gun with accusations until you know for sure what’s going on.

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