Thomas Angelo asked:

Is my husband cheating on me? I’m sure if you’re reading this, you’ve asked yourself that question many times, but have never been sure of the answer. Maybe you’ve noticed some of the signs already, or perhaps you’ve just got that feeling something is wrong, either way, before you can confront your husband about the situation, you’re going to need proof.

How do I get proof? That comes a little later, but first, you need to be on the lookout for signs that could indicate your husband is cheating on you. If you only notice one or two of these signs, and their occurrences are few and far between, perhaps there is a reasonable explanation. However, if you notice several of them, frequently, then it’s worth investigating further.

Cheating Husband Signs of Adultery

1. He takes greater care with his appearance than he used to, particularly when he goes out. Has he suddenly started working out, or going to the gym?

2. He suddenly uses his phone and possibly the computer more often than he usually does; all the while trying to hide what he is doing from you. This could be an indication that he is in contact with his lover via phone or the internet.

3. He gets home late from work, saying he has been working overtime, or perhaps his work hours have suddenly changed.

4. He has lost interest in you and your relationship together. He now seems reluctant to talk or do anything with you intimately. This is an indication that his mind is on something, or someone else.

5. He now keeps private the things which the two of you used to share, such as credit card or phone bills, as he doesn’t want you to see who he’s been talking to, or what he may be buying.

There are many ways to gather you proof you need, should you notice these signs, from discovering a suspicious number on your husband’s phone and performing a reverse cell phone lookup to find out who it belongs to, to installing software on your computer to spy on what your husband is doing on there when you’re not around.

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Richard Bowns asked:

“Cheating wifes gonna get caught” probably sounds like the song title of an old country song, but it’s far from it, it is however more of a statement of fact. If you don’t believe me then read on. According to statistics 54% of men have no idea that their wives are cheating which is pretty bad considering 90% of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong.

So! What can you do about it? The answer to that question is “investigate”. If you suspect your wife is cheating and do nothing about it you can’t blame anyone but yourself when it comes back and bites you in the behind. Don’t dust off the phone book and hire a private investigator; you need to save your money for the divorce attorney.

“Do it yourself”, I know you thought DIY was strictly for remodeling the kitchen. Well I am here to tell you that all the resources that a private investigator uses are available to you, and you won’t have to sell the house to be able to afford it. What you will need to do is stay calm, the last thing you want to do is make her aware that you know, but don’t worry, you can find out everything you need to know very quickly. In fact, you could find out so quickly that you could even write yourself nice ballad which could even be a top ten hit called “cheating wifes gonna get caught”.

Ok! All joking aside now, if your wife is having or you suspect her of having an affair you have to act straight away. You need to come out of this knowing that you won. With the evidence which you gather she will be lucky to walk out of the door with shoes because she certainly won’t have any dignity left. That’s right you will be able to gather evidence, not only on her but on the guy she is seeing and if he happens to be cheating on his wife, well you have just got yourself a bonus, they will both be out on the street. See if they want to be together after all that just happened.

Does your wife have a new cell phone which is registered to her business or an email account which she only checks when you are not there? Maybe she has a lot of new friends who she speaks to in online chat rooms. Secret meetings can be arranged at anytime, either whilst you are or she is at work. There are so many ways that your wife could cheat and so many opportunities to do so.

You can ignore it or you can pretend that life is fine, but the fact that you have a cheating wife will not go away, in fact it will probably eat away at you for every hour of every day until you do something about it.

You can lie down and get kicked again or you can stand up like the man you are, and do something about it, It’s your choice.

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Angie Lewis asked:




First of all let me say this, I don’t condone adultery. And just because it is forgivable by God, if a spouse repents and turns from their sin, doesn’t make it justifiable in any way shape or form. Infidelity always hurts someone and causes much unneeded animosity between couples. It’s best to be healthy minded spiritually and mentally so you won’t be tempted by lustful desires in the first place. But unfortunately many Christians today are not keeping as spiritually fit as they should.

I got an email yesterday by a grieving man who couldn’t understand how I could write articles on forgiving a spouse of adultery. He is still going through such a hard time of it, trying to forgive his wife, which at this stage of his grieving, would be worse than death itself. He is in the denial stage of forgiveness. Anger keeps us living in our horrid feelings and we deny forgiveness even exists. But the fact is, if Jesus would forgive adultery then we as believers need to do the same.

I explain to couples all the time about the basic principles on how to forgive their spouse of adultery. Why do I do this? Why do I waste my time on trying to explain to people how to forgive when they are in so much pain and suffering? I do it because it is scriptural! It’s not about what I write in my articles and books. I don’t tell people to forgive, God does! What I write comes from the word of God. If you see my opinion in an article I will usually say, “I believe”, or “I think.”

Just last week I get an email from someone who wants me to tell them it’s okay for them to divorce their husband or wife because of unfaithfulness. But I don’t give them what they want. I don’t tell them what their ears want to hear because that is not what scripture says. Many times I have to tell people things that they don’t want to hear.

Infidelity is not a loophole for divorce! (Matthew 5:31-32) (Matthew 19:3-12) (Mark 10: 2-10) (Luke 16:15-18) (Romans 7:2-3) (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

I would never advise anyone to divorce his or her spouse because of infidelity. That is not what the bible says! I don’t have this Christian marriage ministry to make friends. I have been given this marriage ministry to help people! In my articles on forgiveness I show couples how to forgive and work on healing themselves and restoring their marriage.

Adultery is common in Christian homes today and it is because they are not interacting with God about these moral issues but are relying upon their own understanding of things, which is most likely, based upon their feelings and what feels good. Most of these individuals are not bad people; they have only gotten lax with their beliefs and spiritual efforts in Christ Jesus.

As Christian’s, don’t forget, we are the example to everyone else; isn’t that important to you? The Christian life is not about going after what WE desire; at least it isn’t for the believer. Christ Ones have a responsibility to Him that overshadows everything else. The believer has a responsibility to God before anything else in his life. If a Christian is not FIRST living up to his or her responsibilities in Christ, then how can you expect him to be responsible in his or her marriage? It isn’t going to happen! For the Christian, there is only one way and that is God’s way.

“Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.”
(John 14:21 NIV)

~~~

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Katie Lersch asked:

Having a husband or boyfriend who cheated is a big hit to your self esteem.  You begin to doubt your marriage and your ability to make your husband happy or to be enough. And there are tons of old stereotypes which imply that if a man cheats, it’s because his wife doesn’t understand him, he’s not happy in his marriage, or his sex life at home is lacking.  While I’m sure that there are men who cheat for these reasons, there are many other common reasons that men cheat, and many of them have nothing at all to do with the wife or the marriage.  I’ll discuss some of the various reasons that men cheat in the following article.

Sometimes Men Cheat Because They Are Not Happy With How They Perceive Themselves: Often it’s not you that your husband isn’t happy with, it’s himself.  Often adultery is nothing more than a band aid on low self esteem which is why you will often see affairs in times of a man’s personal crises, like after losing a parent, losing a job, or aging.  In short, he feels that he’s lost something and he’s using the affair as a means to make himself feel more capable and strong.  If he’s desirable and special to someone else who hasn’t witnessed his weaknesses, struggles, and shortcomings, then he can pretend that they don’t exist. It’s sort of like having a temporary blank slate or fresh start because often this woman doesn’t have the intimate knowledge of him that you have, and in his mind, at least right now, that appears to be a good thing.

He will often see the affair as a temporary diversion that provides relief to his anxieties.  He will tell himself that no one needs to know about it and that since it doesn’t really mean anything to him emotionally, at the end of the day he can just pack up and go home without anyone being the wiser and without any one needing to be hurt or affected.  Yes, he may feel some guilt and when this all comes crashing down around him, he is likely going to be deeply sorry, but unfortunately this thought process often doesn’t come until it’s way too late to change things.

Risk Taking As A Way To Generate Excitement In His Life: Another trend that I often see is men who feel like their lives are in a slump or who have become bored with themselves and will then use an affair or cheating as a way to bump up the excitement level in their life.  It’s sort of risk taking as a way to instill some of the excitement and drama that they feel that they are missing out on.  Often, by the time that the affair ends badly, they’d give anything to have their “boring” life back, but at the time of the infidelity, they’ll often tell themselves that this risky behavior makes them feel “alive” and that life is too short not to enjoy yourself and experience new things.

The Old Notion That Men Who Refuse Sexual Advances Aren’t Masculine: There is a small subset of men who tell me that although they were happy in their marriages and still love their wife, they found themselves in a situation where another woman came on to them and they grew up with the notion that no man in their right man would turn down a desirable woman who is offering to leave no strings attached.  Some men grow up in a culture which implies that turning down attractive women is a sign that they aren’t masculine or manly enough.

This is ridiculous of course and I don’t know many wives who would buy this, but many men have insisted to me that this is the reasoning behind their risking every thing for a tryst outside of their marriage.  Again, they are able to compartmentalize this and to tell themselves that since the woman meant nothing at all to them, this shouldn’t affect their marriage or their wife.

The Role That Your Marriage Plays In The Affair: As I’ve said, there are countless men who had strong and stable marriages at home with a loving wife and a satisfying sex life who still cheat.  And, if you ask those men what is so wrong with their wives that they had to go outside of the marriage, they will typically answer with something like: “nothing at all. My wife is wonderful and my marriage was a happy one,” while they insist that the affair had nothing to do with the marriage.

Still, there are those men who play the blame game and they’ll say that their wife didn’t have time for them, didn’t make intimacy a priority, and had let the marriage grow stale.  They’ll say that the mistress listens to them, appreciates them, and understands them, (while they are rarely are able to see their own short comings as contributing to this process.)

And while hearing this can make you defensive, almost every marriage has a few places where it is vulnerable.  Is this an excuse to cheat? Absolutely not.  But it does make sense to explore ways to identify and fix these areas if you want to save the marriage. And make no mistake, marriages can be solid and even sometimes better after an affair because it forces you to lay all of your cards on the table and to be brutally honest about places where your marriage could use some improvement.

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Gillian Reynolds asked:




Most women believe that when they get married, their marriage is going to last a lifetime. That’s unfortunately not always the case, as some marriages fall prey to an affair. Although many women do cheat on their husbands, more men are unfaithful. Intuition is often the most important tool a woman has when she suspects her husband has found comfort outside the home. In addition to a gut feeling, there are other ways to confirm that your husband has committed adultery. If you want to know how to spot a cheating husband begin by paying special attention to small details.

How your husband interacts with you on an emotional level is often a sign that he’s sharing intimate moments with another. If you are wondering how to spot a cheating husband, study how he treats you, his wife. Is he suddenly more affectionate? Or does he seem more distant and distracted? If he does seem different than in the past, question him about it. Asking if something is wrong may result in him sharing details about a work problem or something else that is weighing heavy on his mind. If he’s not forthcoming, watch to see how long the behavior lasts. This is often a telltale sign that your husband is not as invested emotionally in the relationship anymore.

Work habits are another avenue to explore when you want to know how to spot a cheating husband. If your spouse has held the same routine for years and that suddenly and inexplicably changes, chances are that something besides work is taking up his time. This is particularly true if your husband is telling you that his job now includes out of town travel. There may very well be travel involved, but chances are that it’s with his mistress.

For any woman who is wondering how to spot a cheating husband she need only look as far as his grooming habits. Most married men fall into a fairly regular routine of wearing the same outfits and doing the same level of physical activity. If your husband suddenly goes out and buys new clothes for no apparent reason or is determined to lose a significant amount of weight by exercising and changing his dietary habits, that’s a warning sign that something else is at work. He either wants to look good for another woman that he’s spending time with or he has a woman in mind that he’s trying to impress.

Once you know how to spot a cheating husband it’s not difficult to do. Men will usually adopt the certain, noticeable patterns when they are considering an affair or already having one. Knowing what to look for can help a woman recognize what’s really happening in her marriage. Once she does this, she can then make a decision about what’s best for her.

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Daniel Adair asked:




“So she goes out to the laundromat about 5:30. She’s still not home by midnight and I’m calling the police, thinking she’s been killed or raped or something. She finally stumbles in at 3:30 in the morning with her lip-stick smeared. I ask her where she’s been.
She says,”Doing laundry.”
I say, “Until 3:30 in the morning?”
She says, “Well, I had to pre-soak.” According to Word Tracker, approximately 3.2 people a day type the key words, “adultery divorce California,” into the search engines. And that’s just the people who are looking on the internet.

Anyway you figure it, there’s a whole lot of cheating going on. And perhaps that’s not surprising. Californians do have interesting lifestyles.

There are few things in life as painful as finding out that your spouse has been cheating you. It hurts like a knife in the heart. And the pain is quickly followed by intense anger. Before you rush out and file for a divorce, though, you should stop and assess your situation. Cheating versus Falling Off the Wagon The first thing to consider is whether your spouse is an habitual cheat, or if this is a one-time occurrence that will never happen again. And there is a big difference, though it may not feel like it at the time. Maria’s Story “I never meant for this to happen. I love my husband. He’s stationed in Korea right now. He’s been there about 8 months. I guess I was just lonely. He left me here in this town where I hardly know anyone and I guess I just didn’t know how hard it was going to be.

Anyway, my husband’s best friend is stationed here, too. He started calling me up to check on me. He said he just wanted to be sure that I was okay. And pretty soon he started calling almost every night. I have to admit, I was glad to have someone to talk to. And it felt . . . safe, you know? I mean, he’s my husband’s best friend.

Well, we went out to see a couple of movies together. Not like a date or anything. It was just, he wasn’t seeing anyone and I’m married, so it was like a couple of friends who were just spending some time together. And then he started dropping by in the evenings, instead of calling, and sometimes we’d have a couple of glasses of wine and watch t.v. I mean, I even told my husband about it and he was glad someone was watching out for me.

Then the other night we had more than a couple of glasses of wine. I got pretty drunk. I hardly remember it, it just seems like a blur. And I woke up in bed with him the next morning. I’m so ashamed. God, what am I going to do? I have to tell my husband; we’ve always been honest with each other.” In Maria’s case, the attorney was able to convince her to go to a marriage counselor and talk it over before she made any drastic decisions. With the help of the marriage counselor, Maria concluded that confessing to her husband was not a wise decision. She had made a mistake based on loneliness and depression and it would never happen again.

Usually there are several elements present when a spouse has a one-time affair. First, there is a husband or wife who is absent in some sense. Sometimes they’re in the military and they’re stationed overseas. Sometimes they’re long distance truck drivers. Sometimes they’re just working two jobs to try to pay the bills and they’re exhausted when they get home.

Second, there is the other spouse who is lonely, depressed, feeling neglected. They’re often in a state of emotional starvation, desperately needing companionship, reinforcement, and feedback from another adult.

Third, there’s the, “friend,” who’s, “concerned.” He or she starts dropping by, calling, or emailing to be sure that the lonely spouse is okay. He or she gradually builds higher levels of trust and emotional intimacy, until they’re spending quite a lot of time together.

Finally, there’s something that suddenly lowers the inhibitions of the lonely spouse. Most commonly that something is alcohol, but it can also be the result of a sudden increase in loneliness or depression. Put all of those elements together and you’ve got a classic scenario for falling off of the marital wagon.

But there’s another element we need to talk about here: guilt. With people who truly love their spouses and make a mistake, there is tremendous guilt and regret afterwards. They feel that they’ve betrayed the most important person in their lives and they hate it.

Now let’s talk about a whole different critter: the habitual cheat. Kathy’s Story “The most important thing in my life is my religion. My relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s always been that way. So you understand when I got married I never saw myself sitting in a lawyers’ office someday talking about a divorce.

Bob first started cheating on me about two years ago. It wasn’t one of those lip stick on the collar things, I just knew. I think if you really love someone, you always know. Something just felt wrong in my heart. I kept praying over it and wondering what was wrong. He didn’t want to be with me anymore, it seemed like. He didn’t kiss me or hold me at night.

I talked with one of my girl friends about it and she said,’Well, sometimes you just have to spice things up a little to keep a man’s attention.’ So I bought lingerie and I tried to have romantic dinners with candle light. And it just didn’t get any better. I just felt like he didn’t want me anymore, and I didn’t know what to do.

Then the woman he was cheating with called up one night. Drunk. She told me all about it. Told me it had been going on for months. It broke my heart.

When I confronted him about it, he swore up and down it wasn’t true. Said I was foolish to believe such a thing from a drunken woman on the phone. I didn’t believe him, though. I was all set to leave him. I mean I had my bags packed. Then he talked me into going to see our Pastor. He finally broke down in front of the Pastor and admitted he’d been cheating on me. He broke down and cried and said he’d never do it again and begged for my forgiveness. Well, the Pastor said I should take him back, so I did.

Then six months later I went out to the driveway and one of my tires was flat. I knew he always kept a can of that fix-a-flat stuff in the trunk of his car, so I went to look for it. There was this box of letters and pictures of that other woman naked. He never had stopped seeing her. He just kept on lying and cheating.” When someone is a real cheater, they’re rarely ashamed of what they’re doing. Instead, it stimulates them. They find it exciting, like they’re living on the edge and getting away with it. They may say that that they love you, but their behavior says different. The person who falls off of the wagon may be a victim of impulse or lowered inhibitions. The cheater is cold and calculating and his/her actions are premeditated. They plan how to commit adultery and they plan how to lie to you to convince you that they aren’t cheating.

One of the worst thing about a real cheater, is that he/she won’t hesitate a second to destroy your self-image, your feelings of self-worth, even your very sense of reality. If they’ve stopped making love to you because they’re worn out from their affair, they make you think that it’s your fault. That you’re not being romantic enough, or you’re not as attractive as you ought to be.

And, as Kathy said, when two people have lived together for a while they KNOW if an affair is going on. They may not know it in the sense of having evidence, but they know in their hearts and their minds that something’s not right. When you feel it that strongly and the other person keeps telling you that you’re imagining things, you begin to wonder if you’re losing your mind. Are you being paranoid or delusional or is your gut feeling right on? The cheater doesn’t care if you sit there and slowly go crazy, as long as he/she doesn’t get caught.

Saving the Marriage: To Try or Not If you are convinced that your spouse just fell off of the wagon and that it will never happen again, there’s still at least a chance of saving your marriage. Even then, it can be a chancy business. It’s a little hard to stay centered when you keep picturing your wife or husband in the arms of someone else. So, again, you have to make that assessment. How much do you want your marriage to stay together? Are you still in love with each other? Can you actually find that forgiveness in your heart to get over the adultery, or will it always be in the back of your mind and on the tip of your tongue? Are you willing to get some marriage counseling to work through those issues if you’re having trouble with them?

If you’ve got a cheater in your bed, a through and through repeat adulterer, then you’re probably not going to be able to change that. These are people who are liars, manipulators, and hypocrites. If you still want to stay with a lying, manipulative hypocrite, you might want to get some therapy yourself and find out why.

Filing For Divorce: Adultery as Grounds If you decide that you can’t save your marriage, you still won’t be using adultery as the grounds. As we mention in The California Divorce Course [http://divorcecalifornia.biz/index.html], California invented the no-fault divorce, which means that you just say that you’re incompatible. You don’t have to say that the other person has done anything wrong and – most importantly – you don’t have to prove anything in court. No high priced lawyers and no expensive trials

In other words, 99 per cent of the time, no fault is the way to go, whether your spouse has committed adultery or not. What about the other 1 per cent?

You would want to allege adultery if there was something to be gained from it. If you were looking to get a larger division of the community property, if you were involved in a custody fight, if you wanted to get a higher amount of alimony. In those cases you might consider it. If you can prove that you’ve been a good and faithful spouse who has tried to keep the marriage together, and that your spouse destroyed it because he/she couldn’t keep his/her pants on, it might make sense.

Unfortunately, most people who want to allege adultery do so because they’re hurt or they’re angry. If that’s your sole motivation, then it’s DUMB. It just means that the person who cheated on you is going to cost you more money and more time. One attorney estimates that in some parts of California it can take up to 2 years to get a contested case onto the court docket. Why stay married to someone for that long when you can get it over with in six months?

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Gillian Reynolds asked:




Infidelity is a growing problem. Decades ago it seemed that the majority of adultery was being committed by men. That’s not the case anymore. Many women are now being unfaithful to their husbands or boyfriends. It’s confusing for any man who has ever thought to himself I suspect she’s cheating on me. If you find yourself wondering whether or not the woman in your life is being faithful, you should be aware of some warning signs that may signal she has a new lover.

When you first think to yourself I suspect she’s cheating on me it’s your intuition that is telling you something is amiss. As much as we hear about women’s intuition, there is a lot to be said for the intuition of men as well. Listen to that silent voice inside of you that is suggesting that your wife or girlfriend has changed. There’s usually more than meets the eye in a situation like this so it’s important to pay very close attention to everything she is doing.

If she suddenly has to work overtime, when she was always home at the same time each day, that may be a sign that she’s taken on a lover. If you have access to her pay information it’s easy to see whether or not she’s being compensated for all that extra time she’s putting in. If she’s not something isn’t adding up.

Many women will take to buying new clothes when they are interested in a new man. Just as men get in a rut once they are in a long term relationship, the same thing happens to many women. One subtle change that you may notice if your wife or girlfriend is being unfaithful is that she’ll buy new lingerie. It may be more revealing or sexier than what you are used to seeing her in. She may also change her clothing style to suit what her new lover prefers. Many women will also decide to dress younger when they are embroiled in an affair.

One small detail that many men don’t consider when they are thinking I suspect she’s cheating on me is to check her car. Her lover may have been in her car with her. If that’s the case the passenger seat may be moved farther back. Another often overlooked clue is that the mileage on her car will be much higher than it should be. Jot it down and then check it a week later. If it seems that she’s putting on a lot of extra miles this may be because she’s driving to a different part of town to see her lover. Also check under the car seats and in the trunk. You may find receipts or other evidence that will shed some insight into whether or not she’s being faithful.

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Gillian Reynolds asked:




The Internet has made it all too easy to have an affair. All anyone has to do is hop online, begin a chat and they can make a connection. Many online love affairs begin innocently enough. Two people may meet in a games room or they may belong to the same forum. Sparks fly between them and suddenly they are feeling real emotions for one another. One of the drawbacks to this type of relationship is that some of the people engaging in them aren’t single and available. Married men and women are taking part in illicit affairs via the Internet. If you believe this is happening in your marriage, you need to be aware of how to catch online cheaters so you and your spouse can deal with their infidelity.

One of the easiest ways to catch online cheaters is to check their online activity. You can do this if they utilize the computer at home to chat and email their online love. If they haven’t cleared their browser history after surfing, this can be very telling. Check for any sites that may be related to their online relationship including matchmaking sites. Ironically many of the people who use matchmaking sites to make love connections are actually already married. If you do find a site like this, you may even be fortunate enough to stumble on your husband or wife’s online dating profile.

Email can also be a treasure trove of information when you are looking for evidence of an affair. Many email programs are set up to automatically connect. The password is saved so as soon as you log on, all messages are displayed. You can easily catch online cheaters via this route. Read any suspicious emails and jot down the email address of their online lover. This can be used if you decide to confront them at some point in the future.

It’s also good to take notice of how much time your spouse is actually spending online. For someone who feels strongly for a man or woman they’ve met online, they may suddenly become computer obsessed. Some warning signs of an adulterous online love affair include spending time online during the late evening and into the night and also frequently checking emails.

In many cases the affair will progress to telephone calls. You can catch online cheaters by viewing their cell phone bill. It’s rare for anyone who is having an Internet affair to use their home telephone to talk to their online lover. They will typically use their cell phone to keep any suspicion down. If you have access to their cell phone invoice each month, note all the numbers they are calling as well as the numbers that frequently call them. This will give you some insight into who they are talking with.

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Ryan Singler asked:




Every state has its own laws against adultery. Each one is unique in its own way, but there are similarities between all of them. We aren’t necessarily talking about the good old days when you could be stoned to death, but more modern time laws. Below you will find some of the things that can happen if you find out your spouse is cheating on you. Some of them can make you think twice the next time you’re in that situation.

While you could travel to other countries and see the different laws against adultery they have, the United States is much more lenient. This is due in most part to laws that only exist in each state. For instance, the seriousness in Michigan is a whole lot stronger then what Maryland thinks. It’s an ongoing problem for something that Christians have been told to obey through the Ten Commandments for centuries.

Divorce

Everyone probably already knows that if your spouse has committed adultery, then it’s a free pass for you to get a divorce. Even though this sounds like an easy fix, you may want to contemplate the situation especially if you have kids involved. However, if you do decide to go through with it there are several steps you can take that will give you the most in return for going through the mental stress, anxiety, pain and suffering, as well as many other issues that stem from divorce.

Spousal Support

When it comes time to go over those laws in court, if you’re the innocent party then you can ask for spousal support. Arguments will revolve around the scrutiny you will go through by neighbors, family members, and the pain this can have on you. In many cases, this results in either large sums of money or monthly payments given to this person for their troubles. Sounds trivial, but if you are the one that learned about your spouse’s affair then you understand the pain.

Criminal Action

Depending on where you live, you won’t find too much criminal action against the person who committed adultery. This is due to the fact that “the damage is done” so to speak and it is an irreversible issue. However, there are states like Michigan that will offer up a life sentence if the adultery warrants such a judgment. Unfortunately, prosecutions of this crime have become so obsolete almost everywhere, people just figure the only laws against adultery is that you’ll get divorced.

The Silver Lining

At the end of the day, it’s hard to tell someone who is the victim of an adulterous spouse that everything will be okay. Until of course, they are in divorce mode where most of the laws that are upheld today come into play. We already talked about spousal support above, but there are many other laws for this that haven’t been discussed. In most part, it is due to the different state laws, but most of all, it’s because these are the common traits between them.

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Angie Lewis asked:




Has your spouse committed adultery and now you don’t trust them anymore? Do you feel betrayed and abused by someone you thought loved you? Do you just want to get them back by throwing stones at them every chance you get? Do you find it hard to forgive your spouse? Then this article is for you.

All of the things I described above are emotions that we feel when a spouse has committed adultery and are perfectly validated by anyone’s standpoint. If we did not have feelings such as these then I would think the marriage would be heading for more trouble than just adultery. So it is normal to feel victimized and hurt when a spouse commits infidelity.

But, it is not normal for these feelings to hang around for longer than six months if a spouse has repented of their infidelity and is asking for forgiveness. If you are harboring resentment and ill will towards your spouse after six months, I have to ask why are you not growing out from this issue and moving on with your marriage? Most likely the answer is because you have a hard time forgiving and simply do not trust your spouse any longer.

Before we can actually start rebuilding broken trust we first have to forgive. Forgiving your spouse is harder than trusting your spouse, but you cannot trust until you exonerate your spouse from such a sin. That happens through the workings of Christ in you. Jesus has taught us what forgiveness is and how to forgive and that is our foundation to work off of.

In the scripture where the woman was caught in adultery, why do you think Jesus asked the crowd who were getting ready to throw stones at her, that those who were without sin to cast the first stone? Jesus already knew they were all sinners and no one could throw the first stone! No one could stone the adulterous woman because we all fall short of perfection because we’re human! He was teaching them to be compassionate and forgiving.

I’m certainly not defending infidelity but it does not mean that a wayward spouse cannot change and turn their life around either. Reality is, people err, they sin and make mistakes and do things that are not appropriate behavior but most people can learn from those mistakes and become better marriage partners because of it.

Then what did Jesus say to the woman? He told her that no one condemned her, and for her to turn her life around and sin no more. Jesus forgave her right then and there. She didn’t have to ask for forgiveness because Jesus already knew in her heart that she was sorry for committing adultery. End of story.

And that is our example to follow. We are to do what is right rather than what feels good. It feels good to keep throwing stones at our spouse because we’re angry and hurting so bad, but choosing to forgive is doing the right thing. So to help us forgive, we have to ask Jesus to heal our heart and mind from the pain we are feeling, and to give us peace of mind. This is the only way we can truly forgive our spouse.

“Woman, where are those thine accusers?” Hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord.

And Jesus said unto her, “Neither do I condemn thee”: go, and sin no more. (John 8:10 KJV)

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