Affairs must be in the air. Affairs seem to be everywhere.

I know I have seen many accounts of them in my office in the last few months. One of the observations I have made is that every single one of us is vulnerable.

A popular myth is that an affair always ends the marriage.

While some marriages do end when there is a discreet affair, the reality is that any couple can survive and grow past an affair, if they are committed to doing at least a few things:

1. The affair must end; the person who had the affair must cut ties to the person who was part of the affair.

2. The other spouse has to deal with the sense of anger, betrayal and the other ugly emotions that come with this territory.

3. The spouse who had the affair must genuinely apologize for the harm caused.

4. Trust has to be rebuilt.

5. Both spouses need to look honestly at how this could happen, and look honestly at their contributions in the affair.

I’ve taken some flack for the following statement, but both spouses have an equally difficult road ahead.

If you do the necessary things to recover, the relationship can very well grow to be better than before.

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It is easy to find women looking for discreet affairs. Most men just look in the wrong place! Did you know, 60% of married men and 40% of married women will have an affair at some stage in their marriage? (According to Peggy Vaughan in her book “The Monogamy Myth”) Imagine, please, that when you walk out of your front door, you can tell which women want to cheat on their husbands. Maybe you can see a little box above their head entitled, “Cheater”. Now, sure, this is impossible. But would it not be pretty neat to know which women in your street, in your neighborhood, or in your town or city are actually looking for discreet affair? Sure it would. And you can find out in a few minutes.

Women looking for discreet affairs will not advertise where their husbands might find out. This means local dating sites and the personals section of local classifieds are out. You need to look, instead, at popular mainstream dating sites. A husband in Wallace, Idaho, would never think of checking one of these communities in the hope of finding his wife committing adultery. So this is where you should be looking. Now all the major dating sites nowadays have two types of community on their site: a free and a paid one.

Gloria recently discovered that her husband of 31 years had been in an affair for a number of years. She felt betrayed, angry, and very scared. The most puzzling thing for her was that her husband was begging her not to end the marriage. Here are 5 myths to be aware of if you are person who has been betrayed.

1. Myth: If only you had “done this or that” the affair would not have happened

It is a typical initial reaction to put the blame for the affair on the other spouse. Keep in mind that the reasons your spouse got into a discreet affair have to do with your spouse and not with you. There are many other ways that unhappiness in a marriage could have been addressed.

2. Myth: You need to trust me

There is no way that you can blindly trust. Trust gets rebuilt over time. It is based on being true to ones word, having actions match words, not having secretive phone messages or absences. Your task is to trust what you observe and comment behaviorally on that while staying away from interpretations and accusations.

3. Myth: the affair is over

Only time will tell if the affair is over. Often it takes a while to truly end the affair because of “not wanting to hurt” the affair partner or the affair partner may not want the affair to end. Leave the ending of the affair for your spouse to work out. It is not your job to be the detective.

4. Myth: I need to keep my spouse faithful

Your job will be to start focusing on yourself and making sure that you are taking good care of yourself. Finding out about an affair is a jolt to ones emotional well being. Put your energy into taking care of yourself and not on keeping tabs on your spouse. Your spouse needs to find a way to end the affair if he/she truly wants the marriage to work. If you also want the marriage to work put your energy into being the kind of marriage partner you want to be.

5. Myth: Everything is fine because I have ended the affair.

Unfortunately it is not so simple. For most couples it takes some real work to learn to re-connect with each other in a caring and loving way. Frequently marriage counseling may be necessary in order to learn new communication skills and ways to emotionally connect with each other.

Couples who desire to stay together can get through an affair if they genuinely want to re-connect with each other. It will take time and a willingness to put effort into rekindling their love.

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There are plenty of things we should thank the Internet for – access to free databases of free information, exchange of communication at the blink of an eye and unprecedented connection at the global level. And yes, there’s the dating part. No longer do men and women have to contend with blind date fiascos or urge a friend to play matchmaker or hang out at bars hoping to get noticed before getting too drunk. With online dating sites, it has become a lot easier to find a romantic partner among many prospects and get in touch with them without a hitch. In fact, dating sites have even made discreet affairs possible.

So what exactly are discreet affairs?

Discreet affair refers to the type of romantic liaisons that occur between two consenting individuals with the unspoken agreement that there are no ties attached. So why offer a chance for healthy adults to begin temporary relationships that have a short shelf life? Simple. Discreet affairs involve people who are either married or involved. If they make a go at affairs out in the open, they will be inviting trouble.

You might consider platforms for discreet affairs quite dastardly indeed. After all, why offer a type of temptation for people who might find it hard to resist? These are not people engaged in casual relationships. Instead, some of them may even be involved in long-term marriages or partnerships.

However, what websites offering a chance for people to meet and have discreet affairs are simply just a means to supply the (discreet) demand.

How are discreet affairs carried out?

Discreet affairs are often carried out through a website where a man or woman who wishes to explore the possibility of finding other sexual partners can freely but secretly browse through available posts. If they prefer, they can even post their own ads, specifying the kind of person they want to meet and the relationship they have in mind. All these are carried out anonymously because these websites allow people to sign in with usernames.

Why do discreet affairs exist?

For one, there’s the demand side, where married or involved people want to meet with other partners possibly for sex. Second of all, discreet affairs allow individuals to find the means with which to do their search without their identities being compromised. But mostly, discreet affairs are there because some people want to have love affairs in secret.

The problem with discreet affairs is that since they are available, they have the ability to create more demand. They may not have a lot of impact on relationships that already have inherent problems but it’s a different story altogether when otherwise healthy relationships are involved.

The idea of romantic liaisons aside, discreet affairs pose a threat to many relationships. Allowing men and women to freely form extramarital affairs may seem like a brilliant idea from the perspective of liberated thinking and commercialism but it also opens up plenty of possibilities for setbacks.

Although some people might argue that adults who become involved in discreet affairs know exactly what they’re doing, the very fact that they are consciously aware that they are doing something sneaky or behind someone else’s back more than speaks for itself. If it’s really all right to have discreet affairs, why keep them discreet at all? It’s called discreet because there’s a reason behind it.

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Are you a guy looking for a casual encounter with a beautiful woman? Believe me when I say, you can find someone for free in about 10 minutes. Over the next few short paragraphs I will explain how women seeking discreet affair are your ticket to easily finding hot dates.

Millions of people, all over the word, are using the internet to find casual encounters. The majority of the men looking for dates are approaching single women. This is just the current norm. Married women seeking affairs are less popular than available single women. Indeed, it is a fact that most wives trying to cheat actually find it a huge struggle to find an online date. They are willing to accept almost any man because hardly any men seem interested in them. All of these facts are good news for the clever guy who wants to find a casual encounter fast and for free.

If you seek out married women seeking discreet affairs you will be among a minority. This means less competition. Due to the low levels of interest in them such woman are also willing to lower their standards. It has, therefore, become easy for almost any man to find a casual encounter with limited hassle.

So you know why you should approach married women online. Now I’m going to explain where you should be looking.

Ignore the absolutely free dating sites. These places are scams to collect email addresses and spam you with junk mail. Approach, instead, the popular dating sites you may have seen on tv or around the net that offer free accounts and paid accounts. The free account is really all you need because you can do everything you need with it. There is only a need use a credit card if you want to upgrade to the extra features.

So you get a free dating account. Now here is an easy way to attract married women without doing any work at all. Use some keywords in your profile that let the site know that you are looking for discreet encounters with married women. The clever match-making software on the site with match you will married women and it will let them know you are trying to find them. Presto – you will have hundreds of local married women sending you messages.

Now the next step is a bit more of a hassle but still a good idea. Go to their search page and look for married women in your area. This will pull up few dozen pages of women. The first ones on the list will be online. Go to each online woman and add her as a friend. This will give her an incentive to check out your profile and message you.

Within an hour of joining one of these big popular dating sites you will have dozens if not hundreds of messages from women seeking discreet affairs. It is that easy.

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We’re all human, and can be attracted to other people. But nobody wants to lose everything, and so an affair needs to be a discreet affair.

Here’s what to do and what not to do:

Do go slowly

In any venture, you need to plan carefully. Be realistic – people’s feelings and your relationships are at stake. Are you certain that having an affair is what you want to do? Do you have a plan in case you are discovered?

Should you leave your spouse?

It might be better to ask for a divorce and enter into a new relationship without secrecy being necessary. This can let you feel freer.

If you cannot leave your spouse and you must have an affair, do so carefully.

The fact that you don’t want to leave your spouse might mean that you shouldn’t have an affair. Meet in places where friends and acquaintances probably will not go, or in places where your discreet affair looks like a business lunch or dinner.

Do not involve others, though. Asking people to lie for you leaves you vulnerable to other people’s mistakes. And they may feel they have to stop you or disclose your infidelity to your spouse.

Make it look natural and leave things open

If you start working late all of the sudden, suspicions will rise. Setting things up gradually will make late nights seem natural.

Make your expectations clear

If your partner in the affair thinks you are going to leave your spouse and you are not planning to, obvious problems could arise. Prevent problems by making sure you are clear.

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Both men and women have affairs, but studies indicate that more men than women tend to engage in married dating and extramarital activities. The figures indicate that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will go online searching through married personals to have an extramarital affair. People looking outside of their married life for fun is not by any means new, but it has become much easier to cheat. Some people question if monogamy is natural, or is it natural to want to have an extramarital affair. The debate has been ongoing, and the bottom line is every person is different and every marriage is unique.

Online surveys conducted regarding people who cheat indicted that most loved their spouses but went searching through “married but looking” personals ads because they were bored at home. Other reasons for seeking extramarital connections include, their partner’s lack of sexual interest, and another reason was their personal need for variety and sexual fun.

Never has it been easier and more convenient than the age of the internet to search for “married personals” and meet like minded people for discreet fun. Gone are the days of sneaking to cheap motels, now you can meet people right from your living room, while your wife is in the kitchen. The Internet is the most common form of meeting married people for discreet affair. A simple click of a mouse button and you can find thousands of people looking for love outside of their home. There are numerous dating sites that cater to “married but looking” people, and they are very popular with married women and men. You can do everything from sending emails, online chat and even do video/web cam flirting with people right across the world.

So how many people actually end up meeting in real life after chatting online with someone? A recent study taken indicates it’s to be about 20% of married people who go online looking for discreet affairs actually take it to the next level and meet in person. And of course more men than women ended up using married dating services to begin with, not surprising. A big part of the success and the reason for the popularity of married dating sites is because it guarantees anonymity. Many married people feel it is harmless fun as long as it doesn’t involve physical touching. You can go online and chat to a married woman about all your fantasies and your most intimate details about your life, then when you’re done flirting you can shut off your computer and go cut the grass. Welcome to the world of online dating for married people.

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